After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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