I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize