bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I wear drunk well.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
