loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
