You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
