i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
