wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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