3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
