She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
