I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
sex in a hospital.. check
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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