This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
