all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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