Just mADE A PArabola og urine
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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