i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize