If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
