Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
