I puked a lego.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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