so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
