i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
