I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
