i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize