how can u be prego again
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
