dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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