im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
