my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
