Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
