THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
