as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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