I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize