She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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