How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
