thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
