the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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