Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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