well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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