lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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