Just fell off a train. Bad.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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