You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize