I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
