i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
