After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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