I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
