Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
