idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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