I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
