I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
