WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize