We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
