An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
