idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
