how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
