in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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