Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
