I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
