My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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