wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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