Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Even my vagina gasped.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
