did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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