At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
