are you still at the devil's house?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize