You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
