There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
