I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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