Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize