This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
