i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I touched a dick in church today
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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