I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
