His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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