I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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