My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
