so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
