What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
