I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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