My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
