the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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