Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
