The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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