I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
