I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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