evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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