Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He better not be in your backpack
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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