what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
