I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize