i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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