You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need water and some morals
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