We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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