even my farts smell like vagina
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm like, not good at living.
I touched a dick in church today
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
