And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
