there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
