Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
