I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
