god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
