I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
