I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
