I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
